bertbehrens.com

Dear Liza, dear Liza.  There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Liza a hole.

With every major company on earth begging the taxpayers for money they didn’t earn because they made some bad choices and bad investments the auto industry has felt left out.  Looks like they will continue to feel that way with the news out of congress today.

Even with all the promises of becoming good socialists like the banks are saying they will, congress is starting to realize that those of us holding down jobs, paying taxes and trying our best to put a few bucks aside for the Hover Round years are not a bottomless money well that they can just continue spend from to their heart’s content. OK, maybe not but some of the morons in congress apparently understand that the bailout of the banks has become a joke and are starting to think that maybe people won’t be quite as excited if a second bailout comes this quickly for another industry to piss down their legs.

So GM is saying that they will embrace socialism in order to get money from the government with salary and bonus caps, government ownership of “preferred stocks” among other very bad ideas all so that they can beg for some handouts from the all powerful government.  Ford is running out of cash too apparently and I am sure it won’t be long before they explain that they will restructure to a fully communistic company where everyone gives according to his abilities and takes according to his needs.  So now the janitor’s and CEO will make the same amount of money and all will be well in the world.  Chrysler just wants to be dead apparently as they tried to sell themselves to GM as a bank account with Jeep attached but when that fell through Chrysler started complaining about how horrible everything is.

It’s a bit odd that all these major companies can’t handle a slump considering that the economy was doing just fine 12 months ago.  Did all these high paid and highly educated executives actually think they could just spend money like a government with no consequences?  Are they really “too big” to be allowed to fail?  Or are they just whiny bitches who couldn’t see the writing on the wall about building cars people WANT to own for the last decade or so while they watched the Japanese and Europeans take marketshare point by point until there was little left.  We heard about the unfair advantage all these companies had by having their goverments paying for healtcare and other things rather than adapting to an ever changing marketplace.  I am not trying to say that other auto manufacturers are somehow better because they aren’t.  The problem isn’t that competition got too hard or that the unions in the US are somehow more powerful than in other areas of the world, it is a simple matter of understanding the market and catering to it as quickly as possible.  Building trucks was the best way to make money in the 90’s and first half of this decade as that was what everyone wanted.  Toyota’s little coup was not caused by the development of the Prius although it was important.  They sold piles and piles 4-Runners, Tacomas, Tundras and Highlanders that gave them a healthy bankroll to work with on their other products.  They have always produced small cars and some smaller trucks but they built trucks for us that were larger and more powerful.

They still can’t compete with the trucks built by Ford, Chevy, and Dodge just like we can’t seem to build a small car that is both efficient, well designed and built with precision to make it last.  Our last attempt was the Saturn and GM gave up on that by just rebadging European cars that the Europeans don’t think are all that great to begin with.  Dodge builds ugly small cars now and can’t make them desirable or exciting like they can with their larger cars and trucks.  And Ford builds great small cars but won’t sell them here because the just “know” we aren’t ready for them here yet.

So what do we do to fix this.  We could rebadge Toyotas and sell them as Fords, or we could just stop trying to be all things to all people and understand that focus brings better products than market research.  If you have the brain power to make the new Ram as good as it is then why on earth did you release the Caliber or the Avenger which are both lumpy and slower versions of the Charger that look like they were parodies rather than tributes to the original.  I could go on and on about all the different manufacturer’s major malfunctions but I will save you that pain for now and maybe post my complaints about each manufacturer another day.

OK, maybe fanboy isn’t the right term when talking about Chevy guys and Dodge guys. GM and Chrysler may be merging very soon and I am not sure I know what to think of it yet. On the one hand I have always been a Mopar nut and have loved all the Dodge’s I have owned but on the other hand I understand how screwed up the industry is right now for US car makers. The Story goes like this, GM and Chrysler want to get together quickly and have their hands out to the government to get them a wedding gift. I wonder if it will be listed as a “merger of equals” as Chrysler’s last marriage was announced. When Mercedes took over Chrysler they did gain a very valuable thing that GM does not, the Mercedes parts bin which gave Chrysler the parts needed to build their 300, Charger, Magnum and the new hotness of the Challenger. In a merger with GM I worry that many of the Chrysler group products would be shelved and replaced with badge engineered GM’s just like every other GM make. Some products I think will be killed completely due to the competition with GM. The Ram, the Challenger, the Durango and possibly the 300/ Charger due to competition with the Malibu.

The Caravan/ Town and Country I think are safe as they lead a segment that GM has been beaten out of over the last decade. But regardless of what products disappear from the lots I don’t think it will be a very good deal for Mopar fans. It will dilute the blood of the Chrylser products that remain and will remove some models that have small but very rabid fan bases. Here’s the link to the story again in case you missed it. This is the first thing that has scared me about all the economic news this year, scared me quite a bit.

Soon we will all be driving electric cars powered by happiness and peace while eating only plants that can psychically tell us that they want to be eaten to help nourish our bodies. But those of us who live on earth and have to actually hold a job and contribute to society have grown up enough to realize that this is not only unlikely but very possibly worse for the environment than what we are already doing.

Electricity has to be made somewhere and our grid is pretty tight as it is when you think back to the entire eastern seaboard going dark because too many people used air conditioning. And generating electricity makes the same people mad that insist we use it for everything. Dams kill fish, nuclear makes you grow extra arms, coal blacks out the sun, solar gives us sunburn and cancer, and all those people peddling the generator bikes smell horrible and are an eyesore.

So we use oil and have done so for only around 100 years. It is still a relatively new way to generate power and year after year we pull more power out of each drop and somehow do it cleaner than before. This is obviously because of protesters picketing outside large buildings and has nothing to do with the scientists and engineers trying to increase efficiency and learn new ways to do things. Thanks hippies, you have made cars better.

But all this oil isn’t just killing the planet, its draining my pocketbook as well. Sadly it isn’t and hasn’t been for years. According to the one source I looked at that wasn’t trying to push either a more expensive solution or a political movement I found some information that didn’t surprise me one bit. Gasoline isn’t stealing my credit cards and robbing liquor stores with a bus full of hookers. The cost as a portion of a family’s income is lower than it was almost 30 years ago. Sure it has gone up but based on their numbers it would have to jump to $5.50/gal in order to equal what it cost us the last time people wore bellbottom jeans. Obviously “Big Oil” has been working overtime to destroy us all.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. IT’S DIFFERENT THIS TIME!!!!!11110101one

Because last time it was different but in a different way with different politicians and cars and hairstyles. This time everyone WILL start driving tiny cars powered by magical leprechauns and happy thoughts. Most of the auto journalists I have read lately have been talking about how great it is that people will stop driving the huge trucks and drinking expensive coffee while chatting on their iPhones. Sorry, its probably not going to make that big of a difference.

The thing I find funny about all the editorials is that after bitching and moaning for months about how evil people are for driving big trucks and sports cars they lust after the next new supercar or massive v12 powered 6 wheel drive mountain climbing luxury truck. But you should feel bad for driving to work in your truck by yourself because you can’t afford to buy a car for commuting and another for pulling your used fishing boat or camping trailer on weekends. Shame on you for not making piles and piles of money.

I guess what I am trying to say is, excuse me? Did you bother to look anything up or did you just spend an afternoon with Green Peace getting high and solving the world’s problems. My only hope is that although the public won’t remember what you said during this price spike hopefully you will and might calm down a bit rather than adding fuel to the irrational fires that the media likes to grab ratings with.